Saturday, July 17, 2010

Home and forever changed

I've sat down at least ten times over the last week to try and write a post, but I just ended up closing my computer each time. I have so much I want to share, but no idea how to do that. The two weeks I spent in Ethiopia and Uganda were weeks I will never forget. The sounds, smells, the culture, the images of children chasing after our van just to touch and be near us. I'll be honest though, I'm really struggling. I want nothing more than to get back on a plane and go back, but right now that is just not possible and I know that, but my heart doesn't. For the past week I've gone through the motions. I nannied, laid out by the pool, and went out with friends. I go about my day then I come home, cry myself to sleep and wake up and do it all over again. I am here physically, but emotionally I'm still in Ethiopia walking with mud up to my ankles with tiny hands of precious kids inside my own. I'm still sitting on a cold orphanage floor rocking a two month old baby girl with HIV kissing her little head and telling her how much Jesus loves her. I'm still watching my dad cry as he's told the little boy he is sponsoring has been praying for months that someone from America would sponsor him to go to school. I'll never forget the smile on Kaleb's face when he was told he'd be going to school this fall and how for the rest of the day he didn't move from my dad's side. The saying is true... I need Africa WAY more than Africa needs me.
I know this is not a very uplifting post, but this is my life right now. My heart is aching and I'm broken, but I'm so thankful for that. As much as I'm hurting right now I don't want to forget how I'm feeling at this moment. I'm thankful for the brokenness in my life and I'm praying that God will show me how to use it for His glory and the people my team and I were with two weeks ago.
Thank you to every person who is reading this. Whether you know it or not, you were on this journey with me. This trip wouldn't have been possible without your giving financially and prayers. I don't take any of it for granted. Thank you for loving me and most importantly loving the least of these. Please bare with me as I try to get out my feelings and stories from the past few weeks. Here is something to tide you over till my next post :)
(You'll need to pause the music on the side)

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